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Divorce can be a challenging and emotional experience. For children, the separation of their parents can be particularly hard.
If you’re a parent navigating this life-altering event, ensuring the wellbeing of your children will be a priority. To help you and your ex-partner get your children through this process, here are some key considerations.
Prioritising their emotional wellbeing
It’s important that you and your ex think about how you’ll factor in your child’s emotions during this period. The approach you take will depend on how old your children are and your own specific circumstances.
However, if they’re old enough to understand that their lives are going to change, take the time to talk to them about it. Open communication is crucial. Children need reassurance that they are loved and that the divorce is not their fault, so try to have an age-appropriate conversation with them.
Also, encourage them to express their feelings and address their fears and concerns as much as they want. Let them know they can talk to you about anything that’s bothering them. By creating the space for a dialogue, it’s possible to significantly reduce the anxiety your child may feel.
Try to keep calm and positive when discussing the divorce. This can be difficult as it’s a very emotive experience, but by taking a moment before you approach any conversations around this, you’re preventing your children from feeling overwhelmed by adult emotions.
If you’re looking for extra guidance, resources such as Childline offer support and can be useful if you have slightly older children who want to find some answers on their own. Giving them the chance to do that can be good for their wellbeing too.
Creating a stable environment
While everything isn’t as it was, try to maintain routines for meals, bedtime, and schoolwork where you both can so that you can provide a sense of normalcy. If it’s possible, keep children in the same school and community to minimise disruptions to their social life and education.
Additionally, whether you and your ex are undergoing an amicable divorce or not, prioritise being actively involved in your children’s lives. Having regular visitation schedules helps children maintain strong relationships with you both.
It can take a little time to get into a co-parenting routine. However, once you’ve established how to approach shared parenting responsibilities and modelled this to your child, you may find that they adapt to the new setup fairly smoothly.
It’s important to keep any conflicts and discussions about the divorce away from your children. Shield them as much as possible from the feelings you have about your ex-partner.
Legal considerations and childcare arrangements
Where there are references to custody, this is typically a reference to who has full responsibility for your children after the divorce is finalised.
According to government guidelines, you will need to both agree to where your children will live, how much time they’ll spend with you and your ex, and how you’ll financially support your children.
If you can’t agree on these details, a child arrangement order – previously called a contact order – is issued by the court. This order determines where your child lives and who is responsible for them. It also includes how much time the non-custodial parent will spend with your child.
Speaking to children’s law solicitors can give you valuable guidance and ensure that the best interests of your child are prioritised throughout the process.
As part of this legal process, you’ll need to consider child maintenance, schooling costs, and other financial needs. The Child Maintenance Service can help parents agree on financial support arrangements, and your solicitor can also help here.
While this is a hard process, it’s possible to put on a united front for your children. Take the time to establish how you’ll approach the divorce with them and remind them that they are loved and that this is not their fault.